I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.
-Martin Luther King Junior
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With the Olympics over, I’m feeling an overwhelming sense of withdrawal. I’m not an avid sportsfan, I even found myself saying to my boyfriend some nights, “really, another hockey game?” How un-Canadian of me. But truthfully, I have never felt more proud, more excited to be Canadian then I did during those 17 days. I eagerly anticipated hearing about curling scores, who won skeleton, learning about ski-cross (and ski jumping and snowboard cross and a multitude of other things I never knew existed) and even inputting personal opinion on what judges would be looking for in figure skating.
While I am thankful that normal television programming has returned, and that my normal bedtime of 10-10:30 has also resumed (I hate live television and it’s time differences! – and yes, I’m an old lady) I wish there was always something that united Canadians as the Olympics did.
Instead of our constant need to validate ourselves to Americans.
I unfortunately wasn’t one of the revelers at Yonge & Dundas on that emotional Sunday night, and I wasn’t responsible for covering or writing anything on the Vancouver Olympics, but I most certainly wish that I had done more to be involved. I wish I had some red mittens, I wish I liked that song “I believe,” I wish I could buy some of those amazing ski and snowboarding jackets I saw team Canada wearing. (Although really… no toques, I can’t believe some of those athletes leaving those on during the anthem… tsk tsk)
I’m also left wondering… how the hell does one get into speed skating or become a member of the international luge and tobogganing federation?!
It felt good to host the world… even though I wasn’t out West for the real celebrations. Hopefully those American’s can stop asking if we live in Igloos now. (Although, the closing ceremonies did little to oust common Canadian stereotypes)
But wait… they’re not completely over. The Paralympics are now on. Where the hell do I watch those?
With my internship coming to an end, I’ve realized that I’m more confused than ever.
I have been able to write a bunch of stories, but feel the loneliness of such a large newsroom, and the pull of the more trendy and fun websites or news organizations out there.
For the most part I sit at my desk and mind my own business, often pitching stories via email and having very little face time with anyone. It doesn’t help that my desk faces the window causing me to spend most of my time daydreaming.
I’ve realized how much I liked writing feel-good pieces. The ‘refrigerator journalism’ my prof. calls it.
It makes me think that the place for me would be a smaller newsroom, somewhere where the editors interact with their reporters and conversations regarding news is frequent. (Or for that matter, conversation in general is present…) It’s often eerily silent in here, and the only sound is that of many busy hands typing at keyboards.
It makes me long for a small-town, or small publication where I would actually be going out and interviewing people and not just calling cops for a statement, or fighting for a story. Where the news is all about local events or teams or stores and where everyone wants to talk to you. (Do these places exist?!)
Don’t get me wrong, I was excited at the prospect of staking out the house of Giambrone’s mistress, but that feeling quickly faded when she never appeared and didn’t answer the door and I was left waiting in the cold. I may have the instinct to be an ambulance-chaser and I may always want to be, but I have to stick to what I’m good at in order to succeed.
I also can’t shake my longing for social media, writing for the web and actually being able to interact with the website. I also can’t forget how much I enjoyed shooting and editing film. It really makes me wonder if I should be looking at jobs or placements at online news sites. Sites that focus on photo and video and social media for their readership, but also have features and newsy pieces.
Being at such a big publication also makes me realize my role in the world. I really am the bottom-rung of the industry, and how ridiculously hard it is to prove myself. I worry that I haven’t done enough to elicit a good reputation, let alone consideration for a job or even good feedback for my internship forms.
These feelings have nothing to do with the publication itself, they are simply just that; feelings and observations that I have encountered throughout my time here.
Despite all of this, I’m not discouraged. I’ve learned an invaluable lesson about the industry and about myself and I will wholeheartedly take that with me as I graduate and start looking for a job.
The only thing that I can do is my best, and despite me being timid I will make it in the world.
Otherwise, it’s back to school next year…