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Save the date: The end is near

Have you heard?

Tomorrow is the day for all those faithful believers to finally transcend to heaven. Yes, that’s right, according to a self-proclaimed “servant of the lord,” Harold Camping, the rapture is tomorrow at 6:00pm, respective to your current time zone.

Now, I was raised a Pentecostal Christian, (shudder) and learned the bible and the teachings of the church until I was old enough to think for myself. Then church became a social thing, where I would go to hang out with my friends and where I even met my first boyfriend. Then eventually, I was dragged kicking and screaming until my mother gave up and went on her own.

So I may have a child’s grasp on the bible, which is fine by me, because I really despise the way some hardcore Christians (and Catholics) twist the passages and teachings of the Bible to suit their own agendas. I.e. Homosexuality is wrong, birth control is wrong, and the list could go on into all of eternity, (pun intended).

So here’s how tomorrows rapture is supposed to work. First there is the rapture, where Jesus comes back and his believers will be taken up into heaven and everyone else will be left behind. (Here is a handy flowchart to find out if you will be one of the left behind)

Then there is a period of tribulation: war, famine, disasters, lawlessness and any possible horrible thing you could think of. During this time, those who accept Jesus, will remain on earth where they will either die, or survive and then there will be a second coming. During this second coming is the battle of Armageddon, which essentially would be where all the non-believers perish and then heaven on earth begins. According to Camping however, this period of tribulation is not seven years long as proclaimed by every other Christian faith, it’s only for the summer. By October 21, 2011, the rest of us will be obliterated.

Oh, and in Camping’s version, there are no second chances. Either say your prays tonight or that’s it for you.

Anyway, I’m thinking that it’s more likely that there would be a zombie apocalypse than rapture tomorrow. But Camping’s website and organization, Family Radio, proclaim that a great earthquake is going to rip open all of the graves so that believers who have already passed will be taken into heaven.

What happens to those bodies that don’t get taken to heaven? Could “shame” mean this: